What if this really is just a book?

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Cancer sucks. Alzheimer’s sucks. Tariffs suck - I think - I don’t know but my springtime t-shirts directly from the streets of Hong Kong are now more than $10 so I think they suck. But also slave labor sucks. So who knows…

All of that pales, though, to having a child with a chronic health issue.

I wasn’t great yesterday…as a mom of a sort of adult human, that is.

She was sad and mad and scared and therefore an ass to me. And in response I was sad and mad and scared and therefore an ass to her.

Which is exactly why I love flawed characters. Because they make mistakes. They sleep with the wrong guy. They make wrong assumptions. They take wrong turns.

But. I root for them. Every time. Even when I’m cringing at their decisions, I root for them.

Because they are becoming.

When the “hero” struggles and falls and doubts herself, she gives me permission to fuck up, too. She reminds me that my story is evolving and changing and it’s messy.

It reminds me that I’m only on page 20,124 of my story.

That This Is Not the End.

No where near the resolution.

Which is why, incidentally, I really don’t like books without a clear resolution. Or rather without a happy ending. And I get it not all stories end with the hero slaying the dragon (or riding one).

But.

I want them to. Because I want mine to. I want the last page to be a catharsis, a relief, a joy, an acknowledgment, a hope, an inspiration.

I want it to end with a bittersweet longing…

a longing for the story to keep going, but an acceptance that all stories come to an end. (which incidentally is exactly what grieving my dad feels like).

Here’s the thing…

In a story, nothing is random. Every twist, every turn, every silent tear serves a purpose in the hero’s journey and was written for a reason. When I look at my life as a book, even the hardest days (like yesterday and Sept. 19) become part of the plot — necessary story elements.

And somehow that makes everything better.

Here’s the other thing…

If you’re just living, you’re reacting. But if you’re writing your story, you’re the author and you realize:

You have choices. You have a voice. You can change this narrative - flip it on its ass - any time you want.
Even when things are outside your control, you still get to choose your response, your next line of dialogue.

You can turn left instead of right.

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

The best thing about this ridiculously famous line from Frost’s equally ridiculously famous poem is he wrote it about being a terrible decision maker. If he ordered steak he would lament that he didn’t have the chicken.

And that makes me smile.

Because it’s all just a story…it’s all just made up. And stories can and should change. And evolve. And become. As characters should change and evolve and become.

And even a bad decision can become a road less traveled that makes all the difference.

I had cancer, my children are evolving and are complicated, my parents are dying, I am desperate to buy cheap dresses from China while I can, I have flower beds to clean out, a book to sell and a dog to walk.

This is page 20,124. It’s cold out but the sun is shining.

-Juli

Writer’s Tip: You tell the story of a person’s life in the small details.